Cowl of Kim Ji-yeon’s “The Issues that Go By” / Courtey of Vookda
Written by Kim Ji-yeon
Translated by Diana Akhmetova
Youngkyung appeared solely after every little thing else had already handed. We first met via a courting app. Assembly folks that manner was all the time a protracted, exhausting course of. I wrung out each final drop of braveness I had, together with braveness I didn’t, and saved making an attempt time and again. Most individuals both stopped replying midway via a dialog or by no means confirmed up on the place we’d agreed on. I needed to ask why I saved working into individuals like that, however on this backwater city, the one lesbians I knew have been a pair who had by no means even put in the app and had in some way managed to “let issues occur naturally,” ending up in a long-term relationship, and my ex-girlfriend Jaeyeong, who I dated for 3 years beginning in highschool earlier than she all of a sudden ghosted me. Even these three ultimately left city, saying they couldn’t see a future right here, and moved to Seoul.
A future—what sort of future? Isn’t the longer term one thing you’re not presupposed to see within the first place? For those who may, you’d be a fortune teller. Once they left, I clung to their pant legs, asking who I used to be supposed to hang around with now, however in fact it didn’t work. So I saved working the app, again and again, pondering I ought to not less than attempt to make a girlfriend and even only a good friend. However possibly as a result of the inhabitants right here saved scaling down, even the closest individuals have been dozens of kilometers away. I pressured myself onto long-distance buses to neighboring cities, however as a rule I ended up again on the bus dwelling with out having met anybody. So when somebody lastly appeared who lived in the identical metropolis, I informed myself I’d attempt to get alongside along with her so long as she wasn’t fully out of her thoughts.
Earlier than I met Youngkyung, these have been the issues that had swept via my life: my mother’s remarriage, my grandmother’s funeral, my dad’s transfer to the Philippines, the beginning of my niece, educational probation, a go away of absence that was actually simply an escape, my finest associates shifting to Seoul, and being ghosted by my ex. Each ceremony of passage and each first-time life occasion appeared to fly previous me in simply two years after I turned an grownup, and I felt like a duck egg drifting down the Nakdong River. Even throughout the holidays, I had no shut family left to go to, and neither friendship nor love felt like something I may depend on. Within the early hours, strolling dwelling after ending a shift on the barbecue restaurant, I felt hole. Coming into a chilly, empty home that everybody else had deserted and switching on the sunshine gave me the unusual sense of being caught within the act of being alone, which solely deepened the loneliness. However in spite of everything that, I started to really feel like no matter got here subsequent wouldn’t shake me so simply. Even so, assembly Youngkyung was nonetheless a shock.
On the weekend we’d agreed to satisfy, I adopted the coordinates she despatched me. It was a playground about midway between her neighborhood and mine. There wasn’t a direct bus, so I made a decision to stroll. In line with the map app, it might take about thirty minutes. For early Might it was already fairly heat, however not so heat that strolling was insufferable. Greater than something, I needed the time to organize myself. As I drew nearer to the assembly spot, whether or not from the lengthy stroll or from the rising anticipation, my coronary heart started to beat quicker.
She was sitting alone on the seesaw. I circled the hedge of boxwoods that lined the playground, pretending to search for the doorway whereas stealing glances at her. She pushed towards the bottom along with her toes, shifting up and down. Every time the other finish of the seesaw touched the earth, her legs rose into the air, by no means fairly touching down. Her determine flickered out and in of sight behind the playground buildings. She had brief, jet-black hair, neither permed nor dyed, was shorter than I had anticipated, and carried a slender body. She wasn’t my kind in any respect, and for a second I felt the urge to quietly flip round and go away. However then I considered all of the individuals who had agreed to satisfy me and by no means confirmed up. Possibly they, too, had noticed me from a distance, determined they weren’t , and easily walked away. Pondering that, I couldn’t carry myself to maneuver.
I saved strolling alongside the surface of the playground, pretending to be simply one other passerby, sneaking seems at her the entire time. Sooner or later, she stopped shifting and sat nonetheless, fingers clasped collectively. It virtually regarded like she was praying, and if she actually was wishing for one thing with that a lot earnestness, I felt as if I needed to want for it alongside her. The best way her fingers have been pressed collectively gave her the look of a praying mantis. Her lengthy, slender limbs and inexperienced shirt most likely made the impression stronger. It was the sort of colour I’d by no means have chosen for myself, the sort that makes you marvel who would purchase it within the first place. However this wasn’t about selecting a date; I used to be simply making an attempt to make a neighborhood good friend. And I wasn’t precisely somebody who dressed all that nicely, both. So I doubled again, entered the playground, walked as much as the place she nonetheless sat on the seesaw, and began to talk.
“Um…”
“Oh. Thought I used to be getting stood up.”
“What?”
“Nothing. You’re Park Misoo, proper? Wanna strive the swings?”
We’d agreed over textual content to talk informally, however now that we have been head to head, I couldn’t fairly get the phrases out. Youngkyung, although, spoke with out hesitation. I dismissed my pants and adopted her towards the swings. Up shut, strolling beside her, she appeared taller than she had from a distance. We sat facet by facet, swinging slowly with out saying a lot, sometimes buying and selling shy smiles. Then sooner or later, watching the again of her head as she soared surprisingly excessive into the air, I all of a sudden considered Jaeyeong. A ridiculous thought crossed my thoughts, that possibly we hadn’t actually damaged up. In spite of everything, judging from her Instagram posts about life in Seoul, she was out ingesting virtually each evening with new individuals and gave the impression to be maintaining along with her different associates simply fantastic, however she nonetheless hadn’t blocked me, not on KakaoTalk or Insta. She hadn’t really stated we have been over. What was the very last thing she stated to me once more? Let’s go to Seoul collectively, I can’t stay right here anymore—was that it? I believe I stated one thing like, simply wait slightly, and he or she stated okay. However not lengthy after that, she went to Seoul alone and lower off all contact.
